Lost Trinity
by sahane
Summary: One-shot, Severus muses about what was, and why it can't be never again. Hints of slash and violence, beware.


ok, this is just a short drabble that I'm not overly fond of it, maybe it's too vague as I do not believe I have the necessary skills in English to express that idea of dissociation, but if you feel curious, go read it.

I did it in response to switchknife's meme who proposed to make drabbles from one of her stories' first lines. To read other drabbles or, better, her stories, follow the link in my lj . What I would do to write like her... bows

Caution, I'm not an English speaker and last paragraph is a try on a 'happy ending', not very good, but without it the drabble felt... unclosed. Skip it if you want.

Beware: Hints of slash, violent imaginery, dark!Severus

Disclaimer: They are not mine, just playing for a while with them... ;-)

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_**Lost Trinity:**_

**_There is the wolf, the man and his shadow_**. Or at least he still believes that he could find their boundaries, the subtle differences among them, if he searched hard enough. There are three facets in the polished onyx stone that serves as his mind. You know, three are one, one is three, all that Muggle rubbish about a religious Trinity, blah blah. The fact is that years ago, the facets were smooth and defined, a well-oiled machine of deception.  
  
Now he can still adopt any of them and do his work, that being teach, kill or spy, but it's more and more difficult to pretend to be purely wolf or shadow. Nobody demands, or cares, about the man. Each one of his personalities has mingled with the others, each one of his comfortable self-lies has been uncovered, each belief about Good and Evil has long withered away.  
  
And where there were three, now is one. But which one it is, he finds it difficult to discern. As a potion, the ingredients have reacted to create something different from the sum of its parts. All of them have added something, in more or less amount, and all have marked his life someway.  
  
The wolf enjoyed the warmth of little droplets of blood sliding over his face, the coppery taste of life's essence, the enthralling sounds of flesh and bone being torn, the satisfaction of revenge, the wild pleasures of passionate unions in the dark of the night and musky scents in a lover's body... but all of that came with the price of lost liberty, of domination under first one, and then two Lords. And then the wolf lost over the shadow, and reduced its reign to select occasions, under a false guise of necessity.  
  
The shadow was the strong one for long years. It enjoyed the pleasures of power over another being, of drawing out a tear with a word, of making people go silent whenever he entered a room and of being desperately needed for his useful abilities. The shadow also took his pleasure in watching a never ending supply of youthful bodies, flushed with embarrassment or anger, glimpses of the beautiful men they would become, brief looks whenever nobody was paying attention to him. The shadow knows every hiding place in the Astronomy Tower, and has got more than his fair share of memories of that delicious young men, careless and beautiful in their midnight activities, to carry with him to a solitary bed. That facet drove him to servitude and then helped him to preserve his sanity under it, and most people thought the shadow was all he was. They were wrong, of course, but some of them did not matter once they encountered the wolf. As for the others, the shadow didn't care.  
  
But the man did. Or would have done, if it had survived in enough amount to be an important part of him during his adult life. It had withered long ago, Hogwarts and his damned family took care of that. The man had dreams of having friends, of being appreciated, of finding that special someone... all soon broken beyond repair. Friends were calculating comrades with their hidden agendas, being appreciated turned to being depreciated by a bunch of cruel teenagers, and then, that someone betrayed him harder than his deepest fears, snarling and biting, mangling his heart, bathing it in stony injustice afterwards. The man fell into deep despair, and let the wolf, which had been lurking around all those years, and then the shadow, free reign.  
  
But then someone dared approach him, someone dared face first his shadow, then the wolf and finally, gingerly, the man came forth to be faced. He understood and accepted each one of them, and in doing that, Snape felt their limits began to fade, to melt. And now, he can feel a new personality rising from the ashes of the last three. Not the wolf, nor the shadow and nor the man, but Severus. And while he's afraid to lose what was only his, him, to let himself change, whenever he feels the green eyes of his lover, Severus knows time has come to step forth.

******Finis******

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End file.
